6 Week Update

We are at 6 weeks now and doing okay. Still spotting, but only brown, and my doctor said that as long as I'm not soaking through a pad or anything it's okay. I've been trying to stay off my feet as much as possible just to be safe. My HCG levels on Saturday were 3600 and on Monday 6100 so that's good. It is starting to sink in a little bit that this may actually be happening!

Our first official doctor appt will be next Friday in the city to which we are moving (that's a whole other story), and I can't wait to see that lil heartbeat.

I think I'm still shocked. It is beginning to sink in little by little every day, but it is still so unbelievable. God has really created a miracle!

Thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement (they mean so much to me). I will keep you updated.

Spent the Day In the ER...

Yesterday I was having some brown spotting which kinda freaked me out, but I looked it up online and everyone said it was okay unless it was red and cramping. This morning I was at school and went to the bathroom and there was red in the toilet. I freaked out, got my instructor and my friend and told them (sobbing) what was going on. My friend called her mom who is a nurse and she said I needed to call my mom and go to the ER. I hadn't told my mom yet because I wanted to tell the whole family at once. So I called her. My friend took me to the ER and my mom met us there. I got some blood work done and a regular and pelvic sonogram. By this time there was no bleeding. They said there was a gestational sac implanted but it was too soon to see a heartbeat if there was one. So they got a base HCG level and I have to get more blood work Monday to make sure it is progressing normally.

I'm totally freaked out. Every twinge in my stomach, every spot, everything! I'm freaked out bc I don't know if there is even life in there. My mom said she bled with me and everything was fine.

I also found out that I am RH- so I got a shot for that.

I have like 40 hrs of school left and was supposed to finish on Friday, but idk what I'm going to do because I have to be on bed rest. I already spoke with my boss and told her I can't work tomorrow. The doctor said I need to just take it easy and relax. I'm still having brown spotting and maybe a tiny bit of cramping.

My mom went and got me groceries and I'm trying to relax and take care of myself, but I'm scared. And my husband isn't here. That's what made everything extra difficult today. I just hate that he isn't here for me to lean on. And the fact that our lives are so crazy right now and I may have a picky lil baby growing in me is concerning. You hear about these women who are pregnant and just do it all so I assumed that I would be fine. Maybe along with everything else in my life it just isn't going to be that easy!

Please pray that there is a healthy growing baby inside me and that this too shall pass and everything will be perfect!!!! Hopefully I will know more this week and I will update you all.

Day 2 and Still Shocked

I still cannot believe that I woke up yesterday morning like every other time I've taken a pregnancy test and it was positive! I took the OPK first and it was super positive (5:22 am). So I got back in bed and thought to myself that my body was probably freaking out and I was just ovulating. I told myself "How many times has your body freaked out and ovulated at a weird time? And how many times have you actually been pregnant? You aren't pregnant!" I laid in bed for an hour. Then I got up and took two old pregnancy tests that I had (one expired last month and the other was a bit older). They were instantly positive! Instantly! When I dipped the first one in the cup it was just like every other time and I have to say I could not believe my eyes when it turned positive! I thought I was dreaming!

Since my husband is living 6 hours away, I called him immediately! He didn't answer. So I called again and he answered half asleep. I think he thought he was dreaming. He kept saying he was waiting for his alarm to go off and to wake up. I was sobbing uncontrollably! As soon as he realized he wasn't dreaming, his immediate concern was that I tell no one. Between 3+ years of ttc and his sister's early miscarriage last year, I could tell he was really scared.

I had to go to school and I decided that I would tell only my school bff about the news. She cried, I cried. I have no idea how I made it through the day yesterday. It was like everything was the same except I was pregnant!

I feel like I have this huge secret that I want to scream from the rooftops but the IF part of me knows we are far from the safe zone.

I can't wait to get past the scared part and get to the excited part!!!!

Holy S@#$ BFP!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM IN TOTAL SHOCK! I HAVE NO WORDS! I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 Days Late and Dreaming

Last night I woke up having a dream that I was holding tiny twin baby girls in my arms. My husband was making bottles and they just kept sucking them down left and right. I was looking at them like I look at my puppy. They were so tiny and sweet and I felt unconditional love for them. What's weird is I really don't remember ever dreaming about baby girls. I always dream about baby boys. And never twins.

I don't know why but some months just get to me more than others. Some months AF comes and goes without a thought and some months (like this one) it seems like everything makes me think of the possibility of being pregnant. I have a rule that I can't take a pregnancy test until I'm 7 days late. I just dug through my bathroom drawer stash of fertility stuff and found that I have about 10 expired pregnancy tests and a couple of unexpired ovulation tests. (Apparently those work as pregnancy tests too.)

Ugh, I hate the pull of this. I hate who it makes me. I hate the fear. It all seems very surreal. Every time.

I've stopped counting the months. We've stopped trying. I haven't given up hope though.

If only there was a rule (like in the movies) that if your period was late, that meant you're pregnant. Unfortunately my body likes to play games.

Wouldn't That Be A Kick In The Pants!

My period is 3 days late (not abnormal at all), but every month that I'm even a day late without spotting I think this could be the month! Wouldn't that just be a kick in the pants for all the people who say that I just need to calm down and not be so stressed and "it will happen"!?!?!

I've seen my husband a total of 2 times this month, I'm going to school 40+ hrs a week and working 20, I'm trying to sell my house and find a job in another city...stressed, party of 1!!!

Anyway, I'm sure that little red devil AF will show her face soon enough, but wouldn't it be great to get those two little lines and say SEEEEE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STRESS BIATCHES! IT HAS TO DO WITH GOD'S TIMING AND NOTHING ELSE! SO SUCK IT! :)

Haha, one can dream!

Worst Blogger Ever

I feel like I am the worst blogger ever right now!!! In my defense, I am trying to sell my house, finish school, move to a new city, find a job, and find a new house. All the while, for some reason, I am completely fixated on the idea of having a baby. Not on having a baby so much, but on the "when we will have a baby" timeframe. It seems like all of this change (and turning 26) has kicked my biological clock back on. I had been at peace for a few months about the idea that this isn't our time, so I can't help but think that once we move and get settled in it may become our time.

 I think maybe it is the house hunting that has forced me to think about the prospect of children. Not that any IF ever really shuts that completely off. But when you're buying a house you think, "Hmmm, what will we use this room for?" and all of those feelings begin to flood back. I really thought that when we bought our current home, it would be the place we would bring our baby home from the hospital to. And now, who knows. So do you buy a house with a child in mind that you are no closer to than when you purchased your last house?

 My husband traded in his truck for a car this weekend and when he was test driving a ridiculous little sports car (that he LOVED :x), all I could think was, "Where the heck would we put a baby car seat in this car??" Needless to say, I vetoed the car right away and we came to a compromise on another vehicle. So as I said, I know I am the worst blogger ever. I have tons to say, but too many things going on right now to sit down and type them. I will try to keep you guys posted on new developments, and know that I am keeping all of you in my prayers. xoxo