Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I Don't Know Much

I don't know much about being pregnant (I've never done it before), but I'll let you in on the things I've learned in the first 10 weeks:

1. The mommy guilt begins early! I'm already dealing with feelings of guilt because I'm not eating the most perfectly healthy things for my baby. Hey, I've been sick! I have the best of intentions, but I have to eat whatever I can stand to swallow. I'm not going to punish myself for not following a perfect diet. My baby will get the nutrients it needs and once I start feeling better, I will start eating better.

2. It's okay to complain (a little). I feel like because I've wanted a baby for so long, I really shouldn't complain about how tired and sick I am. I remember hearing pregnant women complain and thinking, "Duh! Of course you don't feel great, you're growing a human!" and now that I'm growing a human of my own, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna complain a bit. And I'm going to let myself, because I'm not going to punish myself anymore. Not for being an infertile turned fertile, not for being lucky and blessed to have an amazing husband and be pregnant, not for anything! I'm going to enjoy every second that I can of this pregnancy and if I don't feel well I'm going to take the sympathy as it comes (even if it's only from my hubby!). Because let me tell you, I am really sick and tired! LOL

3. The world isn't going to stop for nine months because I'm suddenly pregnant. I'm not gonna lie, I thought there should be a parade (or balloons at least) when we announced our pregnancy! Much to my dismay, it just wasn't so. Yes, everyone was really excited and supportive for a couple of weeks, but now it's pretty much calmed down. And to top things off, my sister just announced she is engaged and getting married New Years Eve in Vegas (obviously I won't be going because I'll be 7mos pregnant by then). Yeah, when the first born announces her engagement, it kinda trumps your piddly old pregnancy...thanks for stealing my thunder sis!

4. Paranoia! I don't know if it's the fact that I'm living alone for the first time in my life right now or all of those episodes of 48hrs and Law & Order coming back to haunt me, but I'm seriously paranoid! I'm afraid of all of the things that could happen to me and the statistics about pregnant women being harmed. But it's not just that, until the past couple of days, every time I felt a twinge in my tummy, I would run to the bathroom expecting to see blood. I think it's just the infertile in me, still in disbelief that this is happening.

5. A few tips for the sickness: ginger, fire jolly ranchers, hot water with lemon and a spoonful of apple cider vinegar (for acid reflux).

6. I'm already getting a tiny lil pooch! I was admittedly very thin before I got pregnant, so the tiny baby (about the size of a lime) in my tummy is already showing! Not to anyone else, but just to me! And I absolutely love it! Though my clothes do not :) I promise if I start taking bump pics I will post them on a separate page so you can look if you want to and not if you don't! My husband doesn't want to photograph it yet because he thinks it's too small and people will just think I already had this pooch!! Haha.

7. Although none of the above sounds very glamorous, I WAKE UP EVERY DAY FEELING SO HAPPY AND SO LUCKY THAT I HAVE A GROWING BABY IN MY BODY! I know that my infertility story has not been nearly as difficult as a lot of you out there. I thank God that I've never miscarried like many of you have had to go through. Many of you went through many more IUIs than I did and even several rounds of IVF. I know how lucky I am. And I don't forget it. Every second of every day I'm thanking God and praying that this baby will be healthy, happy, and love God.

And I'm praying for all of you out there who are still fighting the good fight! I know what you're feeling and how difficult it is to be strong in the face of infertility, but I know that you are stronger than you know, and I pray that God will wrap you in His arms and be your strength when you have none left. xoxo

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Coming Out

I feel like today was my coming out party! I had told my close friends and family that we're pregnant, but I hadn't announced it to the world (or Facebook :P). The people that are really close to me know what my husband and I went through with IF, but the acquaintances did not. And no one knows about this blog. I really wanted to make my Facebook post meaningful and expressive of what we've been through because I don't know who else is going through it. I remember every time one of my FB friends got pregnant I would immediately hide them! Not because I was not happy for them but because I knew what was to come...my baby is the size of an orange! We're having a boy/girl! Today I puked! etc. 

This is what I wrote: 4 years ago my husband and I decided we wanted to start a family. A year and a half later we turned to acupuncture, herbs and clean living. When all else failed, we sought infertility treatment. After over a year of treatment for unexplained infertility and 2 failed IUIs, we decided to forgo further treatment and to instead give it to God and trust that He would fill the desire in our hearts to be parents. A year later, God has created an overnight miracle in our lives and we’re going to have a baby! Thank you so much for all of the love and prayers you have all sent our way! Words cannot express the joy that we’re feeling right now!

It has been a really emotional day and all of the kind words and well wishes that people are pouring out mean so much to me. It's like God is just wrapping me in His arms and telling me it's my time and now I can just breathe!