I feel like life has been really good for the past couple of months. I'm loving hair school. My husband is wonderful as usual. Things just feel really good right now. And yet, I'm very weepy. It may be a song, a comment, a feeling, anything these days can bring me to tears. Maybe it is the holidays. Maybe they're happy tears.
I know this is a little psychotic, but it is how my mind works, always analyzing everything. But I'm sitting here wondering if I'm trying to really focus on how happy things are so I won't think about the one thing I'm missing and that one thing is where the tears are coming from. Like I've decided to change my mindset and choose happiness, but those feelings of pain and hurt that I'm repressing just bubble up every once in a while.
I'm not sure what to do with this, because I don't know if it's a problem or not. It just seems like if you repress feelings they will eventually come to the surface, and I would rather not have a nervous breakdown! But how many times can you purge the same thoughts over and over? I'm just so old and practiced in punishment, that I'm simply not interested in it anymore. I guess I would rather focus on the happy and not let the one thing I don't have affect how I feel about all of the things that I do.
So is it just me always waiting for the bottom to fall out of things and I'm freaking out because things are all really good and calm right now?? Geez I wish I wasn't such a freak!!!!
Hi Thanks for following me. I am looking forward to following you. You are not a freak. I was going through the same thing. Repressing it is not good and you may think you are purging the feeling over and over, but you are just scratching the surface. I found the best way to really get to the bottom of it is to talk to someone. I have been seeing a psychologist once a week since September and it has been a life saver! I finally get to really talk out and get to the bottom of exactly how I am feeling and those weepy times that bubble up have gotten less and less. Don't get me wrong, I still tear up over lots of stuff, but I know better the source of it all and if it is happy or sad. I hope you can figure it out and enjoy the calm.
ReplyDeleteKendra, you are absolutely not a freak. I do the same thing, thinking about something else for so long that I'm finally able to get some peace for a bit, but then it all comes crashing back. It would be easy for me to just say 'don't worry about it,' but I know that's not going to happen. It does get better sometimes, though not all the time.
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