I've been meeting lots of new people lately because I've changed jobs and I'm going to hair school. Getting to know new coworkers, employees, students, instructors, clients. When a new person finds out how long I've been married (five and a half years) the next obvious question is if we have or plan to have kids. I have made the conscious decision to be open about my infertility struggle (the basics and the facts that is, I keep this blog and most of my internal struggle private). So I let them know that we've tried for a while now and that it just hasn't happened for us yet. Then they usually want to know if we've pursued any treatments and I tell them we did for about a year and it didn't work. Finally they say "it will happen when the time is right" and diagnose that I just do too much and "stress really has a lot to do with these things". Then I have to say, "oh, I know! I'm sure we'll get pregnant when the time is right", because no one wants to be the depressing infertile girl.
I'm sure we've all been through this over and over. It just seems like I've been dealing with it a lot lately.
The reason I continue to participate in these conversations is that I feel it is important for me to be honest about our struggle (or as honest as I can be). But I'm not gonna lie to you, it freaking sucks to keep having the same conversation over and over again. It feels good to end the conversation with positivity, but as soon as I state so assuredly that I "know" we'll get pregnant when the time is right, I question it. I don't know that for sure. It is what my husband tells me all the time. It is what I tell others all the time. I just don't know that I believe. After three years, it just isn't that easy to believe.
That's definitely the biggest thing keeping me from looking for a 'real' job where I'd see the same people more than five minutes a week. We saw one of my husband's former coworkers at the store the other night and of course she had to ask. And then looked confused at my response of 'we're working on it.' So hubby said 'it's not always easy' and she patted her six month belly and informed us she was done. Thanks, pregnant lady with your three other kids. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have an easier time of it once they get all the questioning out of their systems.