Last night I woke up having a dream that I was holding tiny twin baby girls in my arms. My husband was making bottles and they just kept sucking them down left and right. I was looking at them like I look at my puppy. They were so tiny and sweet and I felt unconditional love for them. What's weird is I really don't remember ever dreaming about baby girls. I always dream about baby boys. And never twins.
I don't know why but some months just get to me more than others. Some months AF comes and goes without a thought and some months (like this one) it seems like everything makes me think of the possibility of being pregnant. I have a rule that I can't take a pregnancy test until I'm 7 days late. I just dug through my bathroom drawer stash of fertility stuff and found that I have about 10 expired pregnancy tests and a couple of unexpired ovulation tests. (Apparently those work as pregnancy tests too.)
Ugh, I hate the pull of this. I hate who it makes me. I hate the fear. It all seems very surreal. Every time.
I've stopped counting the months. We've stopped trying. I haven't given up hope though.
If only there was a rule (like in the movies) that if your period was late, that meant you're pregnant. Unfortunately my body likes to play games.
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