Saturday, March 23, 2013
New Life
Our little man came into the world on 3/16/2013! He is absolutely perfect and healthy and the happiest baby I've ever seen. I'm writing this and anxiously watching him in his basinette (as I'm sure all new moms do). I have so many things that I want to tell you about the last bits of pregnancy and my childbirth experience, but I don't really have the words just yet. And at the same time, I want to write it before I forget. What I will say right now is that I cannot believe that God has seen fit to give us this magical little being to raise. I want to pinch myself every day because it seems so surreal and I seriously feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
40 Weeks Pregnant!
At 37 weeks, he was breach and there doctor told me that the following week if he was still breach, she would schedule a C-Section for 39 weeks. I have this vision of a natural birth that I really want and the idea of a Cesarean was very daunting. For some reason, I feel like if I have a C-Section and this is the only baby I have that I will have never gotten to experience childbirth and I just can't imagine that's how my infertility story ends. I did yoga every day (3 times a day for 10 min) and one night, I felt some major movement. My stomach still looked really wonky when I went in for my 38 week ultrasound, so I figured we would definitely be scheduling a C (I already wrote out a Cesarean birth plan and everything) and even the ultrasound tech said, "Yup, that looks like a breach belly!" But to both of our surprise, our little guy had turned!! It was strange because I had really set in my mind that it would be okay if I had to have a C because all that matters is that he's healthy and it could be fun to know exactly when he's coming (plus the fact that at this point I'm sooo ready to not be pregnant anymore!) but hopefully things will go according to plan and I will get to have the natural birth that I want!
Here I am, 40 weeks pregnant, just waiting for little man to decide he's ready to come. Call me crazy, but I have no desire to be induced (which is apparently the norm thing to do these days), so we're just waiting it out. I've only been dilated to a 1 and 25% effaced for the last three weeks, but I go back tomorrow to see if we've made any progress. I'm soooooo ready to get this show on the road, but at the same time, I want our little guy to come when he's ready.
I will keep ya'll posted. Until then, you can go check out some of my maternity photos on my beauty blog.
xoxo
Here I am, 40 weeks pregnant, just waiting for little man to decide he's ready to come. Call me crazy, but I have no desire to be induced (which is apparently the norm thing to do these days), so we're just waiting it out. I've only been dilated to a 1 and 25% effaced for the last three weeks, but I go back tomorrow to see if we've made any progress. I'm soooooo ready to get this show on the road, but at the same time, I want our little guy to come when he's ready.
I will keep ya'll posted. Until then, you can go check out some of my maternity photos on my beauty blog.
xoxo
Friday, February 1, 2013
34 Weeks!
As we hit each milestone, I'm absolutely amazed that this is all really happening. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you girls out there struggling with infertility. My heart still breaks for the girl that I was two years ago crying over all those negative pregnancy tests. I'm really uncomfortable and tired at this point and my pregnancy has not been just butterflies and sunshine, but it's thinking of her and all of you that makes me strong every day. I know that there is nothing to complain about because I am capable of so much more than the world gives me credit for. I know this because I learned so much about myself during this whole journey from infertility to pregnancy. And I pray every day that you will all make it to the light at the end of the tunnel (however that may be for you).
I have to say, it is very strange going from someone who constantly felt disconnected from her body to someone who was surprised by the miracle performed in her body and finally to someone who's body has been completely taken over by another being. There were about three months that I felt really good and like I had that wonderful pregnancy glow, but at this point in the experience I find that I'm just like everyone else. Ready for pregnancy to be over and hold this little baby in my arms and to have my body back. I used to fear that I would never get to experience pregnancy and now it's the fear of giving birth that I'm trying to overcome. I want to trust that my body knows what to do (since it got me this far) and do everything au natural, but it is a bit daunting with everyone and their dog opting for an epidural or a c-section. I don't sleep at night because I have so many latent concerns and anxieties that I'm not even aware of during the day (plus the 5lbs of joyful kicking and wiggling in my belly). I think the biggest thing for me though is not knowing exactly when the day will come. Part of me wants him to come soon and for the waiting to be over, but the practical side of me knows that the longer he stays in my belly the healthier he will be, and we've already waited this long, what's another 6 weeks! And when I think about it like that, I'm nothing but excited! Excited to meet our miracle. Excited to be a mom.
Meanwhile, my SIL had another MC recently (her second). So it's been very strange to be on the other side of things and be the one trying to be sensitive since I'm huge and pregnant and she is not. I want to say everything that no one said to me. To empower her. And mostly to support her. But it's difficult to find the right words. Everything seems condescending. So I just keep telling her how impressed I am with her strength and that I love her and I'm here if she wants to talk or has ugly things she wants to say but feels like she can't since I'm sure I've thought all the same things. And I'll say the same to all of you. I am so eternally impressed with your strength and I will be sending you my love and praying for peace in your hearts.
I have to say, it is very strange going from someone who constantly felt disconnected from her body to someone who was surprised by the miracle performed in her body and finally to someone who's body has been completely taken over by another being. There were about three months that I felt really good and like I had that wonderful pregnancy glow, but at this point in the experience I find that I'm just like everyone else. Ready for pregnancy to be over and hold this little baby in my arms and to have my body back. I used to fear that I would never get to experience pregnancy and now it's the fear of giving birth that I'm trying to overcome. I want to trust that my body knows what to do (since it got me this far) and do everything au natural, but it is a bit daunting with everyone and their dog opting for an epidural or a c-section. I don't sleep at night because I have so many latent concerns and anxieties that I'm not even aware of during the day (plus the 5lbs of joyful kicking and wiggling in my belly). I think the biggest thing for me though is not knowing exactly when the day will come. Part of me wants him to come soon and for the waiting to be over, but the practical side of me knows that the longer he stays in my belly the healthier he will be, and we've already waited this long, what's another 6 weeks! And when I think about it like that, I'm nothing but excited! Excited to meet our miracle. Excited to be a mom.
Meanwhile, my SIL had another MC recently (her second). So it's been very strange to be on the other side of things and be the one trying to be sensitive since I'm huge and pregnant and she is not. I want to say everything that no one said to me. To empower her. And mostly to support her. But it's difficult to find the right words. Everything seems condescending. So I just keep telling her how impressed I am with her strength and that I love her and I'm here if she wants to talk or has ugly things she wants to say but feels like she can't since I'm sure I've thought all the same things. And I'll say the same to all of you. I am so eternally impressed with your strength and I will be sending you my love and praying for peace in your hearts.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Half Way There!
I really can't believe I'm 5 months pregnant! I know I keep saying it, but I still feel like someone is going to pinch me and I will wake up! My belly has officially popped and it is the strangest thing to look in the mirror and realize something that I've been dreaming about for so long is actually happening. The puking has finally subsided, though I'm still taking Zantac for acid reflux.
The baby is super wiggly and it's so awesome when my husband gets to put his hand on my belly and feel him move!! We are focused heavily on determining a "for sure" name, which is proving to be very difficult. I think we're going to register for our baby shower tomorrow, so I hope to be less overwhelmed this trip than I was the first time we went to Buy Buy Baby (all of those stroller options really stressed me out!!)
I have to say, I'm really excited, but every moment of this is so weird. Maybe it's because it doesn't all look like I thought it would. This isn't what I pictured my life to look like when I was pregnant. But I think it never really is what we imagine it to be. And I think it's actually going to end up being better!!
The baby is super wiggly and it's so awesome when my husband gets to put his hand on my belly and feel him move!! We are focused heavily on determining a "for sure" name, which is proving to be very difficult. I think we're going to register for our baby shower tomorrow, so I hope to be less overwhelmed this trip than I was the first time we went to Buy Buy Baby (all of those stroller options really stressed me out!!)
I have to say, I'm really excited, but every moment of this is so weird. Maybe it's because it doesn't all look like I thought it would. This isn't what I pictured my life to look like when I was pregnant. But I think it never really is what we imagine it to be. And I think it's actually going to end up being better!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Quite a Week
It has been quite a week for us. We went for our first ultrasound (at 19 weeks) on Tuesday and...IT'S A BOY!!! It's so crazy to think that there is a little baby boy growing in my belly. My in-laws are throwing us a reveal party on Saturday, so until then, we aren't telling anyone our little secret. We're going to do a balloon release, I will post pictures soon.
They also saw from the ultrasound that my placenta is really close to my cervix, which I've never heard of before but apparently can be just fine. The concern is that if everything doesn't move up (right now the baby is still really low) by the time the baby is born, the placenta could deliver first, so I would have to have a C-section. So the doctor said no sex for at least the next four weeks. It was funny because the nurse laughed when she said it (because my husband always gives her such a hard time) so he couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. She was. Lol.
The most exciting part may very well be that I felt the baby move for the first time this week!! I think I've felt it before, but wasn't sure because of all of the stomach issues I've been having. But this time was for sure! It felt like little bubbles popping in my abdomen. So strange and surreal. I had my husband put his hand on my tummy later that day so he could try to feel it too! He's started talking to the baby and paying lots of attention to my belly now. It's all very real now!
So then for the not so good news, my husband lost his job today. His job is the reason we moved. The reason we left our house (which still hasn't sold) and my entire family to start a new life. It is really hard to understand why this has happened, but I trust that there is purpose in it. I feel like God used that job to get us down here and He has plans for us here. It's funny because my husband and I had just been talking about taking leaps of faith and living the kind of life that has purpose. Maybe the leap of faith was moving and now God is going to take us to the next step. Of course the thought has crossed my mind that we could just go back. I had built a great clientele where we lived before and we still have a house and family there. But now that I'm pregnant and have a good job and insurance here, I don't think it would make sense to leave. I really believe that everything happens for a reason and even though it's hard, it makes the most sense for us to stay. I'm excited for the potential for my husband to find a job he really loves...but I hope it happens fast!
So for now, I'm getting ready for the big reveal and staying hopeful for the future. I know that I should not be discouraged because of sufferings which will be our glory, and I know that God can deliver us from hardship. But even if this road is long and difficult, I will still follow Him. We've been in tough places before and He's always seen us though. This just adds to the long testimony that is my life and always choosing faith and hope over negativity.
I've been really sick this week (I'll tell you about all that later) and I'm definitely feeling like pregnancy is taking its toll on my body, so I'm going to try to take some time for myself to do some yoga and really relax my body so it can do what it knows how to do.
Never a dull moment!!! xoxo
They also saw from the ultrasound that my placenta is really close to my cervix, which I've never heard of before but apparently can be just fine. The concern is that if everything doesn't move up (right now the baby is still really low) by the time the baby is born, the placenta could deliver first, so I would have to have a C-section. So the doctor said no sex for at least the next four weeks. It was funny because the nurse laughed when she said it (because my husband always gives her such a hard time) so he couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. She was. Lol.
The most exciting part may very well be that I felt the baby move for the first time this week!! I think I've felt it before, but wasn't sure because of all of the stomach issues I've been having. But this time was for sure! It felt like little bubbles popping in my abdomen. So strange and surreal. I had my husband put his hand on my tummy later that day so he could try to feel it too! He's started talking to the baby and paying lots of attention to my belly now. It's all very real now!
So then for the not so good news, my husband lost his job today. His job is the reason we moved. The reason we left our house (which still hasn't sold) and my entire family to start a new life. It is really hard to understand why this has happened, but I trust that there is purpose in it. I feel like God used that job to get us down here and He has plans for us here. It's funny because my husband and I had just been talking about taking leaps of faith and living the kind of life that has purpose. Maybe the leap of faith was moving and now God is going to take us to the next step. Of course the thought has crossed my mind that we could just go back. I had built a great clientele where we lived before and we still have a house and family there. But now that I'm pregnant and have a good job and insurance here, I don't think it would make sense to leave. I really believe that everything happens for a reason and even though it's hard, it makes the most sense for us to stay. I'm excited for the potential for my husband to find a job he really loves...but I hope it happens fast!
So for now, I'm getting ready for the big reveal and staying hopeful for the future. I know that I should not be discouraged because of sufferings which will be our glory, and I know that God can deliver us from hardship. But even if this road is long and difficult, I will still follow Him. We've been in tough places before and He's always seen us though. This just adds to the long testimony that is my life and always choosing faith and hope over negativity.
I've been really sick this week (I'll tell you about all that later) and I'm definitely feeling like pregnancy is taking its toll on my body, so I'm going to try to take some time for myself to do some yoga and really relax my body so it can do what it knows how to do.
Never a dull moment!!! xoxo
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Still Feeling Like an IF
Every day I go to sleep and wake up thinking, "Who's life is this?" Who's apartment? Who's baby? Because I can't understand how I got here and it's so unbelievable. I think it's really hard to go from feeling so disconnected from your body for so long to a blissful pregnant woman. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with the miracle growing in me and I thank God every moment of the day that He created it. It's just all very surreal.
Part of it may be that I'm still so sick. Everyone tells me that after the first trimester I will start feeling better...I'm at 16 weeks! I'm not really complaining about being sick, because it's mostly just annoying to puke all day long. It just, again, makes me feel like an infertile playing the part of a pregnant woman and my body, again, isn't cooperating! It makes me feel like my body is saying, "See! I told you pregnancy wasn't my thing, but did you listen, noooooo!" and on top of that I already feel like I'm screwing things up as a mom because I'm not getting the nutrition I need and doing all of the perfect things I'm supposed to be doing while pregnant. Instead, I'm eating whatever I can keep down, not drinking enough water, and taking chewable prenatals because I puked every time I opened the regular ones. I just wanted this for so long, I want to do everything right!
At our 15 week OB appt, the doctor said she thinks it's acid reflux that is causing all of the puking, so she told me to take 150mg of Zantac twice a day along with a prescription anti nausea medication every 8 hrs (ondansetron 8mg) to see if that helps things. It's hard for me because I don't take medicine for anything short of infection, but I trust her and she seems to really understand, so I'm giving it a shot!
My mom asks me every day if I've felt the baby move yet...nope, not really sure, could be gas?!? Clearly, I've never done this before so I have no idea what is normal and what isn't! To be perfectly honest, every time we go to the Dr., I half expect for her to tell us it's not a baby but a tumor and this was all a big joke! But we're still here. 16 weeks. A real miracle!
I'll keep you updated on this IF's adventures in fertile land! I'll be praying that you all join me very soon!!!!
xoxo
Part of it may be that I'm still so sick. Everyone tells me that after the first trimester I will start feeling better...I'm at 16 weeks! I'm not really complaining about being sick, because it's mostly just annoying to puke all day long. It just, again, makes me feel like an infertile playing the part of a pregnant woman and my body, again, isn't cooperating! It makes me feel like my body is saying, "See! I told you pregnancy wasn't my thing, but did you listen, noooooo!" and on top of that I already feel like I'm screwing things up as a mom because I'm not getting the nutrition I need and doing all of the perfect things I'm supposed to be doing while pregnant. Instead, I'm eating whatever I can keep down, not drinking enough water, and taking chewable prenatals because I puked every time I opened the regular ones. I just wanted this for so long, I want to do everything right!
At our 15 week OB appt, the doctor said she thinks it's acid reflux that is causing all of the puking, so she told me to take 150mg of Zantac twice a day along with a prescription anti nausea medication every 8 hrs (ondansetron 8mg) to see if that helps things. It's hard for me because I don't take medicine for anything short of infection, but I trust her and she seems to really understand, so I'm giving it a shot!
My mom asks me every day if I've felt the baby move yet...nope, not really sure, could be gas?!? Clearly, I've never done this before so I have no idea what is normal and what isn't! To be perfectly honest, every time we go to the Dr., I half expect for her to tell us it's not a baby but a tumor and this was all a big joke! But we're still here. 16 weeks. A real miracle!
I'll keep you updated on this IF's adventures in fertile land! I'll be praying that you all join me very soon!!!!
xoxo
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Our 11 Week Dr Visit (revisited)
I totally forgot to tell you guys about our 11 week OB visit!! It was a total nightmare!
First, I puked in the car on the way there. Then the nurse (not my regular nurse, but some hot mess) gets the doppler out and can't find a heartbeat. She says that doppler gives her trouble and tries another. Still no heartbeat. At this point I'm just praying over and over in my head and trying to hold back the tears. All the while the image of Jennifer Aniston in "Marley and Me" when she goes for her 11 week visit is flashing through my head. Not only was she at the same point in her pregnancy as me, but they couldn't find the hb with the doppler and move on to the sonogram to find that there is no hb and the pregnancy is not viable. The nurse leaves to get the doctor and at this point I was hysterical! My husband held my hand and I just started praying. The doctor rushes in with the sonogram machine and says "no tears no tears" and immediately finds video of my wiggly little 11 week old baby!! I cannot even explain how it felt to see that there was not only a tiny little being in me with a heartbeat and all but that its little arms and legs were flailing about!!!! Such a miracle.
Then the stupid nurse came back and had a ridiculous time taking my blood that included her dropping the blood vial on the floor, having my husband pick it up, it not working, blaming my husband, having him hold the needle in my arm while she left to get a new vial, and leaving a huge knot in my arm. And I puked in the car some more...
But I didn't really care, because all I needed was to see that little baby!
I guess many women have had a similar experience, but part of me just chalks it up to being an infertile masquerading as a pregnant woman!!
First, I puked in the car on the way there. Then the nurse (not my regular nurse, but some hot mess) gets the doppler out and can't find a heartbeat. She says that doppler gives her trouble and tries another. Still no heartbeat. At this point I'm just praying over and over in my head and trying to hold back the tears. All the while the image of Jennifer Aniston in "Marley and Me" when she goes for her 11 week visit is flashing through my head. Not only was she at the same point in her pregnancy as me, but they couldn't find the hb with the doppler and move on to the sonogram to find that there is no hb and the pregnancy is not viable. The nurse leaves to get the doctor and at this point I was hysterical! My husband held my hand and I just started praying. The doctor rushes in with the sonogram machine and says "no tears no tears" and immediately finds video of my wiggly little 11 week old baby!! I cannot even explain how it felt to see that there was not only a tiny little being in me with a heartbeat and all but that its little arms and legs were flailing about!!!! Such a miracle.
Then the stupid nurse came back and had a ridiculous time taking my blood that included her dropping the blood vial on the floor, having my husband pick it up, it not working, blaming my husband, having him hold the needle in my arm while she left to get a new vial, and leaving a huge knot in my arm. And I puked in the car some more...
But I didn't really care, because all I needed was to see that little baby!
I guess many women have had a similar experience, but part of me just chalks it up to being an infertile masquerading as a pregnant woman!!
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