Hoping Until It Hurts

A couple of days ago all of the girls (not on bcp) that I go to hair school with started their periods. I realized that mine was also to be expected soon. I am now officially 2 days late. This isn't particularly uncommon for me, and yet after 30 months of AF showing up late rather than never I still am able to hold hope that this month she won't come. And yet I find myself getting my hopes up.

I know it is completely illogical. I find myself sitting here thinking "maybe we are that couple that everyone knows who stop trying and get pregnant"!! Yeah, I doubt it. Honestly, if I am pregnant, I would freak a bit as I have recently quit my job and lost my insurance. And yet I find myself getting my hopes up. 

So here I am two Thanksgivings later, two Christmases later, thinking "wouldn't it be lovely to announce it to our families during the holidays"!!! I feel so stupid for even thinking it! And yet I find myself getting my hopes up.

I just got home from the grocery store where on the tampon isle I discovered that they were out of my particular tampax choice and thought "ooooh maybe it's a sign that I won't need them"!!! So I left without tampons that I will most assuredly need in mere days. And yet I find myself getting my hopes up! 

I've even written my tasteful 3 month Facebook announcement in my head that looks a bit like this:

33 months ago my husband and I decided to start a family of our own. 12 months later we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. 3 months after that we began infertility treatments. 12 months later we decided to give it to God and trust that His timing is better than ours. 3 months ago our prayers were answered with a positive pregnancy test!! Thank you so much for all of the love and prayers you have all sent our way!!!! (insert pic of sonogram)

I know that this is too long for a Facebook post, but I feel that so many pregnancy announcements have made me cringe and cry over the years that mine must contain a disclaimer. I don't fault anyone for announcing their excitement over their pregnancy, they have the right to be overjoyed and announce it in any way that they want. So will I, when it is my turn. I have no idea how I continue to get my hopes up!!!!!!! 

My next post will most certainly be about AF rearing her ugly head. But until then, my hopes are up.