We aren't "trying" to get pregnant right now, and haven't been really trying since March. By not trying I mean we haven't been tracking ovulation or planning the BD around it. But I still know that I usually ovulate around cd 17 and I still have an app on my phone that tracks AF. So I know that I'm about a week into my tww (if we were "trying"). Some months are easier than others, but every month I have hope until AF rears her ugly head. I know it's silly. I know the chances of us getting pregnant naturally at this point are slim. Most days I really don't even think about getting pregnant (as impossible as that sounds). The strange thing is that it seems like my husband has taken over where I left off.
At first, I was impressed by the idea that he seemed to finally be as pissed off as I was! He came home one day and told me about a woman who asked him when we were going to "finally" try to have a baby. His reaction was exactly what mine would have been. To anyone else this may not seems so impressive, but for nearly three years I've felt like a crazy woman who only thinks about having a baby. But now, every time we have sex (sorry tmi) he says, "what if you're pregnant now" or "could that have gotten you pregnant". I'm kind of glad to see that he cares as much as I do, but I have just gotten to where I can have sex and actually enjoy it without being completely depressed about being infertile and I certainly do not need to be reminded of it. I told him we aren't trying to have a baby right now and I don't want to worry about it. So he said he would worry about it then. I asked him if he would like me to download the app on his phone to track my cycle ;)
Even though it's completely illogical I still have my hopes up once again, thinking that everyone says once you stop trying you'll get pregnant! Even now I just said BS under my breath as I typed it, but I still have my hopes up. I mean it's not impossible. We're having sex and it's not like any of our doctors have told us it's impossible. So this is how I rationalize getting my hopes up. And each month until AF comes, I live in a fantasy world where I am that person that everyone knows who tried to have a baby for years and went through infertility treatments and then just got pregnant naturally after we stopped trying. For seven more days I get to be that girl. And to be perfectly honest, it's more fun being her than the depressed infertile who just got her period for the 34th month in a row.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog a couple weeks back. Thank you for posting you story! We are going through a similar thing with my husband's SA not looking great. We have our first RE appointment at the end of January and I am excited to hopefully make progress. Right now it feels like we are standing still. Anyways, I am curious which vitamins/supplements your husband took. I would like to not only try chemicals but also natural options.
Thanks for your help and all the best to you! Don't give up yet. I know it's hard but giving up will make you feel worse I think.
- Dorrie
Hey Dorrie! I'm so glad you're following me!! I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you're at a stand-still! I really hope you get some answers from the RE. My husband's SAs have been all over the place! He is 29, extremely active and healthy. At the height of our infertility efforts he was taking a multivitamin, vitamin c, coQ10, fish oil, L-Carnatine, L-Arganine, and I think that's it. He also stopped drinking any caffeine. I hope that helps! xoxo
DeleteWhen we were "not trying" for a few months I found out my Hubby was actually tracking my cycles and kinda trying to time everything. I was shocked. I got my hopes up every time too. It is so much better being hopeful and dreaming about magically getting pregnant. Hoping for you that you are that person.
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