Wednesday, January 18, 2012

That Bitch Hasn't Shown Up Yet

I still have not started my period. I track my cycles on my phone and since July 2010 I have not had a cycle longer than 35 days with an average of 33 days. Today was day 35. I am nauseous, boobs still sore, skin horrible, bloated, hungry, etc. No cramps, I thought I saw a tiny bit of pink earlier on the toilet paper. I AM SO FREAKING ANNOYED!

I don't know how fertiles do it, but every time I have the tiniest hope that I may be pregnant, I obsess over it every second of the day. I think about how I will tell everyone. I think about the next nine months. I invision maternity clothes. I think about whether or not we will want to know the sex of the baby. I OBSESS! And to know that all of this obsessing is probably for nothing and I will get my period tomorrow is almost more than I can take.

All day I have just been praying and asking God to not let me sit here and hope and be miserable any longer if I'm not pregnant. And if I am pregnant that it will be a healthy baby. It just isn't fair to get my hopes up and to drag it out. It makes it so much worse. I'm just praying that If I'm not pregnant I will start my period by tomorrow morning, if not I guess I will take another test (I freaking hate seeing that stupid lonely line).

P.S.You guys have left me the sweetest and most encouraging messages that I've really needed this week, so thank you sooo much!!!!! xoxo

1 comment:

  1. UGH that tease is the worst! I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep praying, I will be praying too. Try and do something nice for yourself. Something that will make you happy. Hugz!

    ReplyDelete