Really? Really?????

The following is nothing but a rant. I have nothing nice to say and unlike my mother always told me, I'm going to say it all!!!! There is no happy ending at this point. No nice bow wrapped around it. There will be no inspirational quote at the end. Sorry, this just is not one of those posts.

It all began last week. I knew that I would be in school from 8:30AM to 1:00PM and at work from 2:00PM to 11:00pm Tuesday through Saturday. I did not, however, know that I would also be sick and all hell would break loose. I started feeling sick Monday night and by Tuesday morning I was miserable. I had a horrible headache, sinus pressure, the whole shabang. And I had a 14 hour day. 5 days in a row. Are you beginning to understand the rant? Oh it gets better!

I am in hair school and not surprisingly at 25 years old, I am one of the oldest students. At the beginning of class on Friday, one girl announces that her period is three weeks late and she's taken 3 pregnancy tests and they were all positive but she doesn't know if she's pregnant. So another girl (18 years old) states that she hates kids. Well she doesn't hate them but she hates when they cry, specifically saying, "I wish there was a surgery that could take the crying and spitting up parts out of the baby" and starts asking everyone about birth control because she's getting married in December. A third girl responds, "Why do you need birth control". 18 year old says, "Because I'm getting married!" Third girl, "I know but that's the whole point of getting married". Me, "Um, not everyone gets married to have children! Not everyone is mean to be a parent!" FUN TIMES!!! So apparently the this girl believes that God's purpose for marriage is to have children. Hmmmm so what is the point of my marriage then huh?? I was pissed! I actually had to get up and leave before I punched these two idiots. I know that I live on the "Bible belt", but the ignorant things that people say never cease to amaze me.

I have no idea how I made it through work on my feet for 14 hours every day but I somehow got to Saturday. I knew that my Sunday was only an 8 hour shift and I was looking forward to it and to Monday off. Unfortunately when I got off work Saturday night I had an urgent message from my mother to call her back. My great grandmother had died.

I feel that continuing without saying a few words about my wonderful great grandmother would leave out a piece of the puzzle. My great grandmother was feisty. She survived the Great Depression, breast cancer, 70 years of marriage, and the death of her soul mate 9 years ago. She was 93 and died peacefully in her own bed. She was kind, compassionate, and generous. She lived a joyful life. She was dearly dearly loved and will be missed by everyone who knew her.

There are two other extremely significant things that happened. I wrote it all out and deleted it because I feel like some stories are impossible to tell. Both things could set back my infertility journey significantly. One has to do with my husband and is therefore not my story to tell. The other is the fact that I may be quitting my job earlier that I had planned and lose my health insurance.

I understand that there are things in my life that I cannot control and that I must learn only to control the way I react to situations. What I do not understand is how I can feel as though I am doing all of the right things and then all of this happens. I seriously feel like I am constantly being shoved back into this state of mind where I cannot figure out the point of it all. Just when I felt like I was getting somewhere and making some real progress...