Praying for Peace

Today I heard the testimony of a strong woman who I admire and it reminded me that everyone has different things in life that they struggle with and that God has a plan for each of us if only we will be obedient to Him and walk in faith. It was not only a testimony of faith, but it also reminded me of the power of prayer.

I may have mentioned it in another post, but a friend of mine told me recently that "God can make overnight changes". This may be a no brainer for some of you, but for me it was a totally new concept. I guess I had always thought that change takes time and that's just the way it is. So this idea blew my mind!

Here's where I'm going with this: I think I'm done praying for a baby. I've prayed for a baby for almost three years now. God knows I want the baby. Another friend told me that "if God puts a desire in your heart, He will fill it". So now I'm focusing on a new prayer: peace.

"We do not grow into a spiritual relationship step by step - we either have a relationship or we do not. The only way you can get to know the truth of God is to stop trying to find out and by being born again. If you obey God in the first thing He shows you, then He instantly opens up the next truth to you."
- Oswald Chambers

I'm a seeker. My entire being seems to be about knowledge. Philosophy is what propels me. Some people crave sugar, caffeine, or even attention...I crave knowledge. I need the stimulation of creativity and thought to get through the day. But, I have to wonder if all of this seeking and questioning is harmful to a peaceful existence? Can I crave knowledge and also give myself fully to God by faith?

I look back at myself and who I've been throughout this IF journey. I think of all of the restlessness and searching for answers and I wonder if it was an unhealthy way to be. Not that I'm saying I could have helped it, but I wonder if my nature to seek information caused me more stress than solace. I would endlessly Google symptoms and scenarios, and in the end, whether or not I knew all of the ins and outs of the IF game made no difference to me. I still don't have a baby. Maybe if I had not sought so much information I would have given things to God much sooner.

I know that all things happen in their own time and I don't wish to take back all that I've learned over the past couple of years, but I do wonder if having this philosophical nature is incongruent with a peaceful state of mind. Can I seek knowledge and also be obedient to a God when it requires me to follow Him by faith alone?

The Dalai Lama teaches that you can reach peace through reason. If you can wrap your mind around compassion and understand it for even a brief moment and then meditate on it, you can find peace. So is there some middle ground? Is it enough that my current search is for peace? If my philosophy is peace and the knowledge that I seek is peace, then will the result be peace?

I understand that I am rambling. These are the things that keep me up at night. I sometimes wonder what keeps other people up at night. I think we are all searching for something in life. For so long I have been searching for a baby, and now my search is to be at peace and to give myself fully to God's will. What are other people searching for?