Days Like These...

I took a hpt this morning when I woke up (12dpo), bfn. I got ready for work and went on with my day as usual. At 4:45pm my boss calls me to tell me about a customer complaint, and it broke me. I cried all the way home for work. It wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much on any other day, but to have someone insinuate that you are a bad person on a day when you are already feeling really horrible about yourself is more than I could take. So there I am thinking "maybe I really am a bad person. what good do I actually do? maybe thats why God won't give us a baby. maybe thats why my best friend abandoned me three years ago without an explanation. why does my mother-in-law hate me? maybe I'm just a self-absorbed bitch. maybe I don't even deserve a baby. why is my husband even with me?" Okay so I know I'm being irrational and overly emotional, but it is hard not to feel like there is something wrong with me. Why can everyone else around me get pregnant at the drop of the hat and not me??? It must be my fault. I either have something to change or something to learn. Its really hard when everyone around me is telling me its me to think that its not me. Even when people say that I'm too stressed and thats why I'm not getting pregnant, still my fault. My body, my stress, my infertility story. I feel like it is unfair for me to even ask for a baby. That I should just be happy that I have a wonderful husband who loves me and shut up! But then I think, ya know no one is perfect. I'm trying to be the best person that I can, and why shouldn't God's grace apply to me?