Clomid Rounds Two and Three

I started Clomid round two at the beginning of August. I ovulated on August 15th (cd18). I was pretty depressed all month. It was a bit of a blur. I think it was the feeling that we had been trying for so long and it was a year from our initial pregnancy deadline. When I went in for my post ovulation doctors appointment, he told me that even if we did everything right, it is very difficult to get pregnant. Humans are not particularly fertile creatures. Yeah, tell that to the hundreds of pregnant teens that seem to cross my path every day! He told me that since the clomid was doing what it was supposed to, he didn't need to continue to monitor me every month and that I should go through the next four rounds and just call them when I'm pregnant. I didn't take a pregnancy test that month. I couldn't bear not to see those two lines. On the 29th (14dpo), I started spotting and knew the evil witch had conquered again. It was now September and I was very hopeful and eager for round three! I had read that most people get pregnant during round three or four. I was extremely moody this month. I was either starving, thirsty, exhausted, or all three at the same time. I had a huge blow up with my husband because he came home late from work and I had been waiting for him to go to dinner and was STARVING! In retrospect I see how ridiculous it was. At the time I knew how ridiculous it was. But I COULD NOT CONTROL MYSELF! I yelled, I screamed, I cried...I beat my couch up with a pillow! I called my mom and told her that my husband was probably going to divorce me (and I was completely serious). I was convinced that he was not mature enough to be a father and I was obviously a crazy person and should not be a mother. It felt like all of the pain and frustration and resentment had all culminated in that one night. NINETEEN months of trying to have a baby and it eluding us. I ovulated the next day. My husband and I talked it out and decided that we each needed to do some changing. I showed him a list of possible symptoms from clomid and explained to him that I had them all! I let him know what I needed from him. I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss the next steps, because obviously this was not working. I told him that I was only willing to do 6 total rounds  of clomid and I wanted to use rounds 4-6 to do iui. He agreed. I knew I wasn't pregnant. On Octoer 3rd (17dpo), the evil witch again reared her ugly head.

Let Your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in You alone. Psalm 33:22