By April of 2010, I was devistated. It had been a year since I had stopped taking the pill and no pregnancy in sight. Plus the horrifying news that my husband may be the reason for our infertility. I didn't want to get out of bed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand why God was being so cruel. In the time that we had been ttc, three of our friends had gotten pregnant. Why not us? And of course everyone's response was "you're just trying to hard", "you're too stressed", "you need to relax", and my favorite "if you just stop trying, you'll get pregnant". My husband's family was less than supportive and my family just wanted to fix it for us. Everywhere I turned I saw pregnant women and teens with babies. You mean to tell me that a 16 year old is more apt to care for a child than my husband and I?? What was I supposed to be learning? Patience? What was this growth that God was causing in my life? What was the purpose of my pain? And if this was just a spiritual journey and when it was time God would give us a child, then what was I to do in the mean time? To stop trying wasn't an option! At one point my sister-in-law told me that maybe I just wasn't ready to have a baby because my life is too busy and I wouldn't be able to give that child the attention it needed. She and her husband of one year and partner of three years are now trying to have a baby. She is in a better place than us though because they have tons of money and she works for her father from home. She will be able to give her child more attention; even though she plans to get a nanny to help her because she won't be able to get any work done with a baby around. These are the hurtful things that people say! They make you feel like it is your fault that you have not conceived! Like this thing that you want more than anything in the world would be attainable if you would just calm down your life. If you had enough faith in God, you would get pregnant. What are you supposed to do with it? So what I did was listen, know that it was a load of crap, and everytime I began this self-loathing thought pattern to say to myself, "you are doing the very best that you can, and when the time is right, God will give you a baby". These people that say these things for the most part are not trying to be hurtful. They just don't know what else to say. Nothing they say can really help because they have no idea what you're going through. They can't imagine the pain that comes with not being able to conceive. They are not in your shoes. They are not the ones who have peed on sticks every month for a year only to see that one lonely line. They have not cried in the shower countless times. They have not had their sex life turn into a science experiment. They have no clue what you are going through, so their "advice" is just crap!
If possible, as much as depends on you, live in peace with everyone...do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12
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